[MARK] What are we doing? [NADIA] So we are going to make easy, easy peasy flat bread and the thing is about these is because they’re so easy you can just do them in front of people whilst you’re chatting and the
people think you’re so clever [KAYE] God, that’s my idea of hell [NADIA] You’re going to be able to do this [KAYE] Noooo [NADIA] You are going to be able to do this Kaye [KAYE] I like having people upstairs, having a gin and tonic having a chat and I’m downstairs sweating it out. [NADIA] So let us put some salt in You don’t have toput salt in if you don’t want to but I
always season everything I think it’s a big problem with Kayes food is she doesn’t season.. [KAYE] That’s a lot of salt…. is that flour in there? [NADIA] That’s flour in there. [MARK] Good questions, that’s the kind of obvious question… [KAYE] … they always assume things these people .. [NADIA] Well, what the hell else is it if it’s not flour [KAYE] Well it could be… [NADIA] Come on! [KAYE] What kind of flour is it? [NADIA] Oh now… I saw that little look between the two of you.. [KAYE] Super fine double zero grade pasta flour [NADIA] Yeah, but you could just use plain or wholewheat. That’s why I didn’t bring it up [KAYE] Well, there you go. [MARK] What I love about Kaye is she asks the questions no-one else is willing to ask [NADIA] Yeah, but the reason I didn’t mention it is I didn’t want people to think well I haven’t got double zero grade pasta flour because it doesn’t make a bloody difference [KAYE] What colour is your hair? [NADIA] Oh, don’t! Shut up! I’ve not been having a good week with my hair. [KAYE] Is that water? [NADIA] Just water. [MARK] Gin. [KAYE] And would you call that action stirring? [NADIA] This is stirring. It’s happening now. It’s happening guys. [KAYE] I mean I don’t want to get back to skin shavings again but.. [NADIA] Just a little dash more water [MARK] So is that a rescue tip there? [NADIA] Yeah, because you want it kind of doughy so what you want to do is just add it in tiny amounts like
that [KAYE] You know what you are looking for [NADIA] Well that’s why I’m teaching [KAYE] When you know what you’re looking for that’s a whole different ball game [NADIA] That’s why I’m going to show you.. [KAYE]… but I don’t have a bloody idea what I’m looking for [NADIA] That’s why I’m showing you. That’s why I’m showing you. Oh, bloody hell So add the oil in I measured a tablespoon, so I would usually pour that in and feel it. but I’m helping you out here [KAYE] Thank you. [NADIA] We’ve nearly made the flatbread. We’re nearly finished. We’ve nearly made the flatbread [KAYE] Have we? [MARK] It doesn’t look anything like bread [NADIA] Yeah, but wait till.. Can you get the pancake pan out? [KAYE] Pancake pan? [NADIA] Yeah bottom drawer. Bottom. Bottom. [KAYE] ♫ Oh when the saints. ♫ [NADIA &KAYE] ♫ .. go marching in. Oh, when the saints go marching in… ♫ ♫ I want to be in that number. Oh when the saints go marching in… ♫ [MARK] Is that part of it? [NADIA] Let’s do half Half again [KAYE] Heating up the pan [NADIA] Half again Half again Half. [KAYE] You’re good at fractions aren’t you! [NADIA] Half. These are nearly done You must admit… These don’t need to be perfectly round, actually the most rustico … like this [KAYE] Rustico… that’s a good word [NADIA] now you know what … [KAYE] Shit isn’t it.. [NADIA] You know what you can do… At this stage, put a piece of greaseproofs… Greaseproof greaseproof paper in between each one
and put them in the freezer so that when your friends come round for dinner.. “Oh, I haven’t got any bread.. Don’t worry I’ve got some homemade flatbread.. …I’ll just pop them onto my very specialised pancake pan Well, what shape is that? How many sides has it got? [KAYE] I think it defies mathematics. [NADIA] So watch again Kaye [MARK] Can you flour your stick again for me? [NADIA] I’m turning it.. No. Because you’re going perverted now [KAYE] He does go a bit like that.. [NADIA] You want the pan really, really hot. [KAYE] ♫ On when the saints ♫ [NADIA] Really hot [KAYE] Really hot. Really hot [NADIA] Right so put that on your thingy [KAYE] and do you tell it’s really hot by placing your hand on it flat and then if the skin comes off.. [NADIA] No, you hold your hand this high. [KAYE] … if the skin comes off your hand, you know it’s really hot. [NADIA] Shut up [KAYE] Do not criticise my rolling technique [NADIA] That’s really good Now turn it over [KAYE] Are you being patronising? [NADIA] No I’m not. I’m saying it’s good. [KAYE] When you say turn it do you mean turn it over or just turn it round? [NADIA] Turn it round so it’s not sticking because if you keep rolling.. so you just keep turning Now roll it. [KAYE] You’ve got funny wee fingers, haven’t you [NADIA] I know Flatbread. Very very hot pan Watch [KAYE] That one’s a hellish looking thing What do we eat this with? [MARK] Hummus [MARK] Hummus, kebabs you can have it with honey and yoghurt [MARK] Oh, I think that’s actually perfect [NADIA] There you go. Made your very first flat bread. If I invited my dad over now, he would have these hot with yoghurt and honey and olive oil [KAYE] Really?! [NADIA] Yeah [KAYE] That sounds nice [NADIA] Look. Look You missed it Mark, look. It’s puffing up now [MARK] Is it meant to puff up? [NADIA] Yeah. Look. We’re not having a rise This is flat bread [KAYE] That’s where they get the name from. [NADIA] Up here for thinking… down here for dancing [NADIA] Flipping it round [NADIA] Lovely flatbread [KAYE] You were just telling me the last time I was doing it perfectly… [NADIA] FLATBREAD! [KAYE] Do you know what I love about your cooking Nadia is it is always so tasty I mean the flavour in your food is fabulous but you don’t mind if it looks shite [NADIA] No. [KAYE] And I like that about you Seriously how can something so simple and so…. ugly taste so good [NADIA] Right I’m going to do something.. Look this is a delicious thing called … hang on let me [KAYE] Dukkah? [NADIA] No it’s not Dukkah [KAYE] What is Dukkah? [NADIA] It’s just a mixture of spices called Z’aatar. [KAYE] You just make these up don’t you.. [NADIA] Now try that [KAYE] Oh god, I could get fat on that stuff. [NADIA] It’s so good isn’t it. It’s so good. [KAYE] That’s the problem with good food I like to make my flat breads in a parallelogram Sometimes I go for a rhombus [MARK] When is something a parallelogram and not a rhombus? [KAYE] Do you know what… I’ve never known that Is it because one is like.. is it three dimensional? [NADIA] You can all go and make yourself a cup of tea. They go into these chats for hours [KAYE] Is a parallelogram… It’s either that parallelograms go in the opposite direction from a rhombus or one is a three dimensional [NADIA] I’m going to see if the Housewives of New York is on [NADIA] You just chat amongst yourself.